I'm feeling a little nostalgic right now, which I usually do this time of year. I know many of you do, as well. It's doubly so for me since its birthday time again. *yay, I'm older...blah!* I am glad to know more things, and that is the only advantage to age, perhaps? I don't know yet. Let me know if you've figured it all out. ;)
However, I am very grateful for the new year because it is a time of deep reflection, and I do have much to be grateful for. And, of course, this brings me to my topic today. This deep reflection is what got me into this whole writing experience, to begin with. I had never planned to be a writer. But I do have to admit that I had tried my writing skills out once before when my children were little tots, and my last little one wasn't even born yet, but I quickly laughed at myself and deleted what I had written (...a rarely shared moment in my life...).
Turn the clock forward several years, add a bunch more trials to my life, and voila! I had the makings of some very deep moments. I was considering the fact that I had just come through a difficult year. My hair was finally growing again and it was just starting to look normal. I was very self-conscious, but I was grateful to have made it through that difficult time. I wanted this new year to be different--better. Really better! But what could I do? What could I possibly do to make things better?
I felt like I had made things worse--not intentionally, of course. I mean, really--who asks for cancer, or any trial, for that matter? But I could hardly get myself out of bed in the morning, let alone feel excited about getting up. My only purpose was taking care of my little family, and my husband had stepped right into that role quite well. I didn't even feel needed anymore. But I knew that the medical bills were only mounting--and little did I know that they would grow exponentially over the following years to include much, much more--even my sweet husband's new heart surgery bills. Life has just been crazy. It felt so completely overwhelming to me.
And that is why that one single prayer has had such an impact upon my life ever since. That prayer that asked, "What can I possibly do to help?" My sweet little family and my hard-working husband were especially on my mind during this prayer because I had asked a scary question a lot--What if I don't make it? What if I die?
After paying all these bills, then they'd have to come up with funeral costs? That was the big fear. And then what? The more I thought about their future, the more I tossed and turned. I needed the help and peace that only a loving Father in heaven could provide. And He did. All the occupations I thought of doing could not even be approached. They were simply out of the question. I had to do something from home and in my weakened station. It sucked, but there you have it. It has been sucky ever since, as far as my fight with my health and stupid medical bills. But the answer to that prayer was--You can do something, Ellise. You can! The thoughts of writing that came to my mind were so exciting that I got up the very next morning raring to go. And I have been writing ever since January 2, 2008.
I have learned so much since that special prayer was answered. I have found so many new friends and have reacquainted myself with many more. Family and friends have been so supportive, as embarrassing as it is to step out in front of everyone and ask, "Here. Read this." Totally not me! This is so completely out of my comfort zone. But my little family is so worth any sacrifice I can make--embarrassment and all. And it is still paying off. I'm ever so grateful.
God really does make more out of us than we can make of ourselves all on our own. Just ask Him for the help and see for yourself what He comes up with. You'll be pleasantly surprised! :)
I truly hope for continued success for me and for all of you out there trying, struggling, and hoping for more in your lives.
All my best,